I never thought this day would come. Chatting with my mother on the phone this morning and we sailed into uncharted waters. My mom said that lately she'd been wondering if she'd ever be a grandmother.....SAY WHAT?! I guess she had seen some precious little one at the grocery store or something and wondered when it would be her turn to play "Grandma". Well Mom, thanks for making me question myself. I have never been the girl who wanted to hurry up and get married just so I could have a baby. I definitely want kids someday, but I guess I just haven't had that "urge?" to procreate yet. I'm not sure if part of this stems from the fact that I am still friends with lots of people that haven't even gotten married, or if it's because I work in pediatrics where I see healthy parents have unhealthy babies all the time. When you work in that kind of environment (granted the babies in my workplace only represent about 1% of all the babies born in the state) you start to wonder...is it even possible to have a wonderful, healthy, beautiful baby? And then if that's possible...what the heck do I do when I get it home? I'll never forget the day I was preparing a family for the discharge of their baby and I had no idea how to #1 set up the car seat and #2 get the baby in it and strapped in correctly. I am a pediatric nurse....if I don't know how to do this, how do regular people know how to do this?! I will never forget that day, and how I said to myself...will I ever be ready to be a mom?
I secretly admire the women I know who just go straight into parenthood without questioning anything. Aren't they scared that their baby will come out with 3 eyeballs? Or will the baby tolerate milk protein? Or will it be 3 years old before it sprouts one hair? Maybe I'm just a worrywart, but I think about these things and it scares me out of wanting to have a baby right now.
Before my mom rocked my boat, my husband and I had talked about babies maybe around my 30th birthday. Whew...3 more years of selfishness. In the meantime, I'll continue to browse the gorgeous baby bedding in the Pottery Barn Baby/Kids magazine, and brainstorm baby names. And of course, be thrilled for those around me with new little ones...after all, if THEY can do it, so can I :-)
you aren't the only one...i feel like wanting a baby is like when you aren't engaged yet/married and dreaming of wedding planning. It's fun to baby plan- but then when you seriously think about it-FREAK OUT. I think our parents esp freak because by our age- they had a few children running around... I agree- I need more selfish time too.
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